


Don't Let Me Sleep, I'm Not Ready For Defeat

by LittleMissAgrafina



Series: Comfortember 2020 [6]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Gen, He also needs sleep, How Do I Tag, Hurt Tony Stark, Irondad, Palladium Poisoning, Platonic Soulmates, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Whump, spiderson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:15:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27404908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissAgrafina/pseuds/LittleMissAgrafina
Summary: Tony was terrified of falling asleep. He was so scared that if he let his eyes close, if he let himself rest, that it would be for the last time.He was terrified that one day he wouldn't wake up again, that the palladium in his chest would finally be his defeat. He was so scared and sad that one day he wouldn't open his eyes and see the writing on his forearm that still threw him off at times after not having it for most of his life.The thought of losing his soulmate, of them losing him, and putting them through the pain of their death broken bond scared Tony to hell and back.(Can be read stand alone from the rest of dear peter parker, what to say to you)---Comfortember Day 6. Afraid to Sleep
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Comfortember 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995808
Comments: 16
Kudos: 120
Collections: Comfortember 2020





	Don't Let Me Sleep, I'm Not Ready For Defeat

**Author's Note:**

> This is just something I imagine Tony dealing with and thinking while he hid himself away in his labs in IM2 during the whole palladium fiasco. I just wanted to have some Tony angst with the added weight of platonic soulmates. It isn't quite as comforting and happy minded as what I'm trying to do for Comfortember but i decided to just go with it since in my platonic soulmate series it all ends up happy anyway. Hope you guys like it!

  
  
  


Tony was terrified of falling asleep. He was so scared that if he let his eyes close, if he let himself rest, that it would be for the last time.

  
  


He was terrified that one day he wouldn't wake up again, that the palladium in his chest would finally be his defeat. He was so scared and sad that one day he wouldn't open his eyes and see the writing on his forearm that still threw him off at times after not having it for most of his life.

  
  


The thought of losing his soulmate, of them losing  _ him _ , and putting them through the pain of their death broken bond scared Tony to hell and back. 

  
  


_ I don't want to hurt them,  _ Tony thought as he sat against the side of one of his workbenches, the strength to pull himself from the ground all but gone as the poison in his chest killed him more and more each day.

  
  


_ I don't want to lose them before I even get them. I want to know what their name is, what their favourite places to visit are, their favourite movies, foods, just  _ anything.  _ I just want to know them.  _

  
  


A part of Tony wished that Rhodey or Pepper would walk through the lab doors. That they would see that he wasn't okay. That he wasn't just being an asshole to them because he was one, no, but because he didn't know how to deal with them caring for him and having to lose him when he… died.

  
  


After all, it was so much easier for someone you hated to die than someone you loved. Tony knew that personally, and he never wished it on anyone that they would have to find it out themselves. The weight and burden of that knowledge was too heavy for him to ever willingly wish it on someone.

  
  


He wished that they would see him, see his pain, but he didn't want it either. If this was to be Tony's end, he did not want their pity, their coddling, he only wanted to feel their love without the consequences of the poison racing closer to his heart with every passing second.

  
  


Tony wanted their love so desperately that it had seeped through his bond with his soulmate and the little one had immediately picked up a marker and clumsily began to write.

  
  


_ Why are you sad? Can I help?  _ The words on his arm appeared so innocently and lovingly that Tony wasn't sure if the burning in his eyes was from tears or lack of sleep.

  
  


_ No, little one, you can't. I'm sorry.  _ Tony wrote back.

  
  


A tingling in his arm showed the incoming of more writing.

  
  


_ Oh. I can't hug you for real but I can Force hug you instead! A Star Wars hug! Can you feel it yet?  _ The messy words asked and Tony could. He could feel it. The flood of warmth and love from the other half of his bond. It felt safe and true, and it renewed to tears in Tony's eyes until his cheeks were flooded with his tears. The so called Force hug warmed Tony, pouring gas to a fire inside of him that had slowly been burning to embers of hopeless acceptance. The flames roared to life in his heart, sparks dancing up, up, and away.

  
  


This was why he wanted to stay alive, why he couldn't sleep, couldn't stop working. Because he had his soulmate to meet one day, a person that he wanted so desperately to know and learn about, and he would be damned if he ruined his chance before he ever got it.

  
  


With shaking hands, Tony reached up to the chair he kept at his desk and painstakingly hefted himself into a standing position, grateful that the chair wasn't the one with wheels.

  
  


This was it. He wouldn't leave his soulmate behind, he refused. They were too young to hold the pain of a broken, and lost bond. Everyone was, really. No one, no matter their age, deserved to lose their other half.

  
  


Tony would fight and use every iota of his genius and his knowledge to try and solve this. He would not leave his family. He would not leave his soulmate, the little kid who loved Star Wars enough to send his soulmate a Force hug.

  
  


Hands still trembling, Tony wrote back to the kid.  _ I'm Force hugging you back, kiddie. _

  
  


Tony stood strong, even as his body ached and trembled. One thought running through his mind.

  
  


_ One day I'll even get to hug you for real. _

_  
_

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_

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_

**Author's Note:**

> Just a heads up, I'm going to be editing and reposting these a day or two after the og posting once my beta/s have had time to edit and check them over for me. There won't be massive changes I don't think but I just wanted to put it out there lol


End file.
